she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
