her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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