She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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