somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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