I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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