you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
