Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
