So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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