come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
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And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
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Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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