Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
