im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
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The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
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All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
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