I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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