I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
