I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
