Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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