I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through