it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
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Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
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I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
this is an emotional support booty call
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.