Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.