She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
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Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
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And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing