my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
