idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
