why didn't you poke me back
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
