I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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