Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
