why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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