So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
