If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
