i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
