I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
