I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
