I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
