I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
It's not a walk of shame if you run
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
