i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Come on in and take your pants off
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