idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
