His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
