She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
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