He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
