Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
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He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
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I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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