I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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