After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
