Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
