did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
