mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
