is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
