new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
