My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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