just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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