very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
