Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
