Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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