my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
