know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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