I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
