almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
