Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
you never un-have a 4some
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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