please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
