A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize