i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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