im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
