Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.