I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.