Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do