i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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