I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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