...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
