We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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