I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
