youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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