just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
