I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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