so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
